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Guide 4 min read 2 views
For parents: how to help without hovering
What to ask at the dinner table, and what to stop asking this semester.
The instinct to help is not the problem. The instinct to manage is. The distance between them is what your teenager notices at the dinner table.
Questions that help
- What did you ship this week?
- Who did you talk to that you didn't know before?
- What's the hardest part of what you're working on right now?
- What would you do differently if you started over?
Questions to retire
- Did you get an A?
- Have you thought about applying to my friend's company?
- Why aren't you doing X, the way your cousin did?
- Are you sure you want to major in that?
The one thing that works better than any question
Ask them to explain something they learned this week, and actually listen. Don't correct. Don't relate it back to your own career. Just let them be the expert in the room for ten minutes.
The parents who do this get told more, more often, and earlier when things go wrong. That's the whole game.